Wrecking Ball: Ukulele

When I was in elementary school, some of my more pretentious peers expressed great pride in their ability to play the “toy guitar.” These were small, plastic-stringed instru- ments that made plinking sounds and provided hours of mindless fun for those with nothing better to do. The assumption, from my perspective, was always that at some fast-approaching point these children would begin to play real musical instruments like guitars. Most of them did. I assumed that the rest, finding music uninterest- ing, left their toy guitars in some dusty corner and forgot them. I could not have been more wrong.

See, it has become evident to me that Seabury is blessed with several virtuosic “ukulele” players, who will not be named explicitly. In study halls, open hours, passing periods, music concerts and possibly bath- rooms they flaunt their skills in a melodious combination of three chords, maybe four. The toy guitar of my early years has somehow trans- formed itself into a valued instru- ment, and I do not know how.

The first time I heard Israel Kamakawiwoʻole’s ukulele version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,”I did not mind. It was cute enough to be ignored. The second time, it became more irritating. By the 19th time I heard the same four simple chords played repeatedly on that plinky little plaything, it became more of nuisance and source of confusion. Why were they still doing this? Do they know more than four chords? Can they play the guitar? Is this a Hawaiian elemen- tary school? Although the phenome- non has lately been less prominent, my questions remain unanswered. I insist that some sort of musical bar must be set. What will come next? A recorder orchestra?

Nevertheless, I am willing to give the instrument a bit of credit. All wooden ukuleles, when properly dried, make excellent kindling. They are thus awarded one anchor.

Rating: 1/5 Anchors

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