Wrecking Ball: Dating in Middle School

Around Valentine’s Day, even the smaller lower-schoolers begin to display a behavior known in the biology classroom as “sexual imprinting.” Noticing some flagrant violations of school rules on PDA (Public Display of Affection) by their favorite upper-school students, they likely feel jealous of this maturity. Soon, a few of them attempt to commit themselves to the same type of relationships as their older peers. At the time, unfortunately, these younger students view relationships (incorrectly) as a stepping stone on the path to maturity. But attempts to form a functioning amorous relationship are usually ill-conceived and often end badly, leaving a mark of shame on those involved without any clear benefit.

Many, especially younger students, would argue that dating in middle school is good practice for later years and prevents naïve students from entering more mature relationships without knowledge or experience. But, using that logic, would it be smart to allow a twelve-year-old to skydive or drive? Probably not. But skydiving and driving at young ages, especially before the age of ten, is likely fantastic practice. A child who learns to skydive at age four would be zipping through the Grand Canyon in a wingsuit by age nine, no doubt. But do we allow children to do these things before their time? No. To do so would be foolish, ill-conceived child endangerment. While dating in middle school is not usually a life-threatening endeavor, the same logic applies.

Trust me on this: those who date in middle school will be followed for the rest of their lives by the shadowy ghost of shame and embarrassment. In the moment, it may seem mature and enjoyable, but it is too much too early. If dating in middle school were a restaurant, I would not eat there. Please stop.